We don't want you here.

My entie life I have felt like a burden or a nuissance maybe, to pretty much everyone.
I have always felt different.
Like I don't belong.........anywhere.
I have never felt loved.
I have never had security.
I thought I had found all of that in my husband.
Deep down, I knew it was too good to be true.
But I just wanted to enjoy it, every last minute of it.
He left me Saturday, for the second time, for yet another woman.
Of course my heart is shattered and all that crap you don't wanna hear about.
But I replay the things he has said to me over and over in my head.
And i realize.
I was a burden and a nuissance to him too.
I let go. I let my walls down. I gave him 100% of me.
And now I feel like the biggest jackass on the face of the earth.
Here I sit, 33 years old, getting ready to embark on the journey of my 2nd divorce.
I know that people just try to be nice, but all the kind things they say just irritate me sometimes.
Not at them for saying them, of course.
"dont worry, you will find happiness"
"you are a beautiful woman, you would be a joy for anyone to have in their life".
you get the point.
If I were this person that they try to convince me I am, I wouldn't be sitting here in this situation. Again.
But here's the thing. It's the same now as when I was tiny.
I don't fit in. Yes, they are my friends and I love them dearly, but they all have their own families and their own lives.
My dad just got custody of his step grandkids. Our relationship is...........non existent.
My brother is married with 2 step kids and a job he spends most of his life at. Our relationship is an email or text here and there.
Just when I got to the point for the first time in my life I was actually comfortable in my own skin.
He took it all away from me.
And here i sit, alone, tired, ugly.
Fighting the urge to give up, but not finding the strength anymore.
Because he is right. I am nothing but a burden.