What's the LAW??

Does anyone know what, or if, there is an actual "law" about raising kids?
I mean, really?
My kids act like I HAVE to do things.
Like I owe them or something?
I carried them around in my stomach for...ok, well around 8 months.
I have the stretch marks.
I have the sun-dried-raisin boobs.
I have the hips.
I CAN PROVE IT.
They say things like: what's for supper mom? (about 3 seconds after I get home from work)
I say: nothing.
They say: You can't do that, it's the law.
Excuse me? I'm not an attorney or anything but I've never read an official "law" that says: You must feed your children 3 home cooked meals a day.
Have you guys seen this?
They say: Well then why do we have to do what YOU tell us to do?
I say: Um, duh, because I own you!?
They say: You can't own people.
I say: The hell I can't!
And all my war wounds are my receipt. Don't cross me or I WILL exchange you for a cuter, quieter, less hungry one.