My baby girl, Marissa, who I like to refer to as "Roo" is a very complex, yet entertaining little 13 year old.
She has ALWAYS been very independent and very inquisitive.
Pretty much from the cut of the cord.
I thought it was normal when she was a toddler to ask alot (so freaking many...) questions.
That's how they learn, right?
So I dealt with alot of "what you doin's?" and "why's" and "how come's?"...
Fast forward to today....13 1/2 years old...still entirely too independent and inquisitive.
Answering a 2 year olds questions does not compare to answering a (way too mature) 13 year old girls questions. Sucks alot of brain power right outta me.
So, as we drove home from my dad's tonight, and as we carried in and unpacked things, and then even after that as she was drowning me in questions, I thought I need to share one of our (too) many conversations.
ROO: Mom, my teeth are growing! Omg they are huge! do you think they are growing? Mom look, do you think my teeth are getting big??
ME: No.
ROO: OMG! I am getting my hair dyed tomorrow and we haven't decided what color! What should I get?
ME: half black, half white.
ROO: Mom! Serious?
ME: no.
ROO: should i get purple?
ME: no.
ROO: should i get bangs cut or (....not sure what she said after this.....I was zoning....wondering if being deaf would really be that bad...)
ME: umm...idk ...
ROO: mom, seriously, which way?
ME: just cut ur bangs, they can always grow back.
ROO: Mom, do you think I'm weird, and be honest...
ME: yes.
ROO: Do you ever look at me and think, man, I wish I had a "normal" daughter.
ME: yes.
ROO: how often do you think that?
ME: at least twice an hour.
ROO: what year were you captain of cheerleading?
ME: 1963.
ROO: Mom! Seriously....
ME: Sophomore, junior, year...(hell I don't freaking know what year she was even born!! Are you KIDDING ME??)
ROO: can I have a peanut butter sandwich?
ME: Yes.
ROO: do you want one?
ME: no, thank you.
ROO: do you think I will be fat when I am grown up?
ME: yes. (sorry, sometimes i just go for the shock factor with her.....)
ROO: should I use the white or wheat bread.
ME: OMG Marissa, I don't care...... (getting frustrated...slightly)
ROO: no, mom I can't decide you have to tell me!!!
ME: white bread.
ROO: but Moooooommm.....I want wheat.
ME: #)($*&)(@*#&$)(*@&#$)(^#%)(*&Q#@()*$&)(
ROO: You know dad gets lots of bread at a time and freezes it.
ME: good for him.
ROO: how come you don't do that?
ME: I don't like bread after it's been frozen.
ROO: why
ME: because I only like it soft and fresh.
ROO: well, Papa RIchard says it you freeze it standing up and all together than it won't lose it's freshness.
ME: (chuckle chuckle)...good for him.
ROO: why u laugh?
ME: because that's freaking dumb.
ROO: Well that's what he said...
ME: just one thing I do not miss about your dad.
ROO: why you say that?
ME: Because I hate frozen bread.
ROO: Do you think you can tuck me in when I go to bed tonight?
ME: idk...(are you freaking kidding me, that is what I LIVE for?!??!)
Ok, now she has the (stupid) sandwich fixed and she's sitting down....I walk thru the room and guess what??
yep.............questions.............
ROO: hey mom?
ME: what......(this must be why perfectly normal 'moms' become drug addicts...)
ROO: If I took a piece of frozen bread out of the freezer and put it in the toaster how long would it take to cook?
ME: 6 minutes.
ROO: serious?
ME: yes, dead serious.
ROO: for real?
ME: yes, for real.
ROO: where u going?
ME: to the bathroom (for some god damn peace and quiet!!)
ROO: am I getting on ur nerves?
ME: (lieing) no, i have to potty.
......3 minutes into me hiding out in the shitter....
ROO: (knock knock) hey mom?
ME: yes, marissa....(OMFG R U KIDDING ME!!!)
ROO: I think I'm gonna go to bed, is that ok?
ME: (OK?? I'm bout to pay you for that!!) Yes, sweetie.
ROO: so r u gonna tuck me in?
ME: yes, I will be there shortly.
ROO: ok. do you love me?
ME: (is it illegal to say NO?) well, of course I love you....
......go to tuck her in...........
ME: smooch, hug, good night sweet girl....I love you!!!
ROO: smooch, gross mom u touched my boob when you were hugging me!
ME: umm...sorry, shut up, good night and i love you.
ROO: mommmmmmm.............(whiney) don't go away mad.
ME: I'm not. I love you. I hope you sleep well. Do you want your door open or shut?
ROO: ummm....just opened a little crack.
ME: ok, night...(exits the room trying not to do the happy dance til I get out of her view)
.................not even 16 f***ing seconds later..............
ROO: OMG, mom???
ME: (teeth can't clinch any tighter) what marissa?
ROO: I forgot I had to rewrite this rough draft before tomorrow!!
ME: (deep breaths....deep breaths.......oh my god, you have jokes God, don't you....you really seriously think this shit is funny, don't you? you just tryyyyyyyyyyy to push me closer and closer to the edge......)
ROO: MOM!? Did you hear me?
ME: yes, write your paper. don't stay up late. shut ur light off when ur done. have a good night.
ROO: ok, you too. It shouldn't take long.
ME: ok.
ROO: hey, mom??
ME: (oh my holy freaking crap I am going to child abuse you right now and I don't even care if the neighbors hear me!!!) What?!?!?!?!
ROO: are you mad at me?
Ok....really? seirously? and people refer to this "person" living in my house as "mini Maggie" are you FREAKING kidding me??? I'm all about learning and being smart, but um, I need some mother f***ing silence once in awhile!! And people wonder why I'm so damn insane!!! Ok, there it is!! Now you know!!
