Just MAD

Today I found out that my husband filed for divorce yesterday.
and that his new girlfriend is pregnant.
5 1/2 months pregnant.
and she has pics of her and him on fb.
with him wearing the shirt i bought him for christmas last year.
and I am crying.
no, more like bawling..for the last hour.
and I am mad.
mad that my life is falling apart.
mad that he keeps getting all the good stuff.
mad that i couldn't fight back my tears.
mad that i am alone.
mad that i have to look at them at work every day.
mad that karma is taking so f***ing long to hit the 2 of them.
Just MAD.

OPEN HOUSE

It's official.
I'm selling my house.
My HOME.
I have no choice I have to do it.
I hate him for this.
I hate myself for allowing him in my life.
I think that of all the things I"ve lost in my life, this will by far be the hardest to let go.

...try, try again.......

My mom told me the other night, thru tears, that she feels like she has failed me.

My "bestie" told me a couple days before that she feels she has failed me.

It's very hard to look at myself in the mirror knowing that MY own failures in life have caused hurt to some of the people that I care about more than anything in this world.

My husband cheated.
He left.
My life is turmoil.
I have a crappy disease.
My finances are indescribable.
My "family" is selfish.
My kids' so-called father is not there for them.
I am doing it alone.

But none of the hurt from any of these things compares to the hurt of knowing that I am failing the people I love the most.
The people who don't deserve it.
They are what keeps me going.
THEY are my "family".

They don't know it, but every day I wake up to start another day and "try again".......because of "them".